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I am so glad I remembered this. I
thought of it before, after chatting with a friend, in the
epiphany of a reflective moment (or perhaps just a 3rd cup of
coffee buzz) and intended then to come write it here but was
interrupted (several times over, by children, by clients, and by
other friends) and now, the idea having flown completely from my
head, I was off to do a bit of graphic work for
Holley Mountain (yes, Jim, I really, really, really am going
to add that button on the left real soon...) but then
suddenly I remembered what I'd wanted to journal here, and it is
March 27 -- Easter Sunday
For all keepers of the faith, there is only this to do: Be patient and wait. Keep the commandments, abiding love as the overseer of every action. Surrender wholeheartedly to the Spirit of Truth and, as the old mountain hymn instructs, Keep On The Sunny Side Of Life.
March 24 -- God bless you, Terri Schiavo.
I cannot imagine what life is like for you, dear woman. Doubtless, no one can. And that is the problem, isn't it? That we -- for all of our technological wonderment -- seem to be so inept at intuiting the wishes of another; blind, it would sometimes seem, to the rainbows of love and compassion that flood our lives with meaning and purpose when we submit our will to the earnest activity of doing "what somebody else wants..."
Would but that you could tell us, Terri. And even then, knowing, would we do what you asked? I wonder. Reality is stacked against it, obviously, but then who besides you to better know that.
I cannot imagine what life is like for you partly because I did not know you personally. All I know of you is what I have read and gleaned from sound-bites on the evening news. Still what I do know of you makes me ponder the more personal side of the question: What would I want had I suffered such a fate...???
And again, of course, there is no way to know this. We can think what we'll think, and believe what we'll believe about how or what we could or would do if faced with circumstances such as Terri's. But still I wonder and I bet that many (if not most) who are reading this have wondered this, too.
For myself, if I force myself to pretend that I am a healthy intellectual and emotional being (a pretext some folks would challenge as a delusional stretch, but I digress) constrained to a relatively fixed position, fundamentally unable to communicate with the others around me, incapable to feed or otherwise care for myself... I feel my heart crunch with longing to be freed from the dependency of others upon me to remain alive.
I hear myself praying for them to "let me go...." and stop prolonging the mechanically induced torture of my physical life. But of course, I do not know that this is how I would think or feel because I am NOT constrained in my physical movements and therefore it is, essentially, impossible for me to have any genuine idea as to what a life like Terri's is all about.
Still I cannot believe it is something I would want, nor is it something I think any of us would choose. Which brings me back again to the whole idea of "doing unto others as we would have it done unto self..."
Like I said, if we knew for a fact what Terri wanted, would we have the guts to do what she might ask...???
Anyway, God bless you Terri. May your will be done.
March 22 -- A few words from my eldest daughter:
I would like to know if any one
else can see what I see?
Editor's Note: Amen, my darlin' daughter... Amen.
March 18 -- Email in response to a reader who wrote me in response to March 12:
Well you should never concern
yourself about being candid and direct with me. Actually, that's
the quality I value most in friendship. And I feel a kindredness
with you, too, though I must say, knowing the regard held for
you by the person who introduced us, that doesn't surprise me.
That is, everyone I've encountered through him seems to be a
kindred spirit somehow. Anyway...
Still, this is all part of the past
that I'm in the process of shit-canning. No point in carrying it
around, I just wanna heave-ho and keep moving steadily along.
Because this time -- right now -- is (supposed to be) the "good"
part of my life, and I'll be damned if I'm going to let some
selfish jerk ruin one moment of it for me... HA-HA and so
Inertia & Impetus: "The tendency of a body in motion to stay in motion, the tendency of a body at rest to stay at rest; the force of energy associated with moving a body from motion to rest or rest to motion."
We are each the creative empowerment of these two forces of nature, but do we see ourselves that way?
Power unknown or under-appreciated is at best lost and at worst convoluted to disfavorably rebound against us.
Wish I knew the proper way to refer to the guy I used to be married to. I mean I really don't like bashing anyone, especially someone I professed to (and did in fact, and in many ways continue to) love. We were together for a long time, he and I. But this present scenario is such a precise example of why it is better for both of us to be doing our own thing.
When he does stuff that just to my mind isn't right; when his actions compound with (what seem to me to be) wanton self-absorption and utter disregard for his personal accountability to the well-being of the family he left behind, and when he does these things under the banner of fair play, catcalling me as the spoiler, in complete denial that he is in any way culpable to blame for the dissolution of the relationship we once had -- I want to scream profanity.
Thankfully, however, when he phoned this morning, I did not. Instead, I calmly and gently put him on notice that unless he and I come to a mutually agreed plan for his payment of the $5000+ due me in accord of our property settlement, I will be taking legal action to convert the decree to a judgment which will then be enforceable in the legal sense....
But shit... Why should I have to do
that? I mean, how can he consider himself to be an honorable
person and fail to see the immorality of his own actions?
Additionally, he disputed the dollar amount due me though it is a documented matter of record, and he flatly rejected the terms I had proposed for resolution, ie: pay the amount in full or pay it off monthly over the course of one year.
On top of all this, he was emphatic to tell me that he had been told by legal council that he was under no obligation to pay me a dime beyond child support, and that until told in some official capacity that he must do otherwise, that was his plan.
I mean geeze, gimmie a break... are there any good hearted legal eagles who would like to pro bono a bit? Because really, how many times does a working-girl-slash-single-mom have to pay to get what she is already due...???
Anyway, I am now headed to prepare dinner to share with friends. We're having baked pasta (with homemade sauce), some sort of a salad and garlic bread. Care to join us?
Item #1 -- New photos posted to HolyGhostBuilding.com
Item #2 -- Sheila Watt-Cloutier serves as chair of the Inuit Circumpolar Conference which represents some 155,000 Inuit in Canada, The USA, Russia and Greenland.
March 7 - Guest Editorial
Throw off those chains! What makes me hot under the collar is that we do not have an American Universal Health Plan for citizens of this country. Equal health care.... [read more]
March 6 - notes to friends...
So... how was truckin'? Bet the two
of you had a great time. Stuff like that really "freshens one's
memories" <ha-ha>!!! Anyway, if you get a chance will you please
pass the word that G&P arrived yesterday, around noontime and
got settled-in. Josh and his friend went over to help them
unpack and probably we will all visit later today, after
they come home from church.
I have worked very hard for a very
long time to change social policy on a lot of things, with
mj being merely one of the
multitude... because pretty much, as far as I'm concerned, the
whole system is screwed up...!!!
What you'll see when you visit that (work-in-progress) website is a conceptual outline, subject to what I expect will be an ongoing evolution of ideas that will ultimately arrive at something that resembles what is sketched-out, but has taken on a uniquely synergistic identity of its own.
For example, as I've discussed the proposal with various folks one rather interesting idea has emerged, being that perhaps we should think about developing this as our very own "old folks home" -- kind of like a condominium approach, with each bungalow privately owned and the entire facility owned by the bungalow owners, thus giving us (the stake holders) more control over the quality of our own environment, appointing things as we like, creating a special place to share the riches of our own "extended family" as we explore our "golden years" -- independently yet collaboratively, together <grin>.
And of course we could (and
probably would?) still do the dinner theatre, juice & deli bar,
Internet cafe, gift shop -- as these seem to be the kinds of
things that we (being the folks I have discussed this with so
far) are all interested in doing. With the Internet cafe, for
example, everyone I've shared this co-op idea with finds that
element marvelously intriguing as it would give them personal
access to (professionally maintained) computer systems without
the hassles of having one of the beasts on desk in their
And of course there would be
headaches to this.... but there are headaches to everything
<ha-ha> (though not so funny...). It just seems to me, however,
that no matter what we choose to do (about this or anything
else), since we know that no matter what we do there are going
to be a few headaches, that we are better off to
accord our goals with the most altruistic, egalitarian, and
loving ideals, and refuse to pander to objectives that cater to
"Holy Ghost Building" -- (ie: "What I did today.) Whadaya think?
March 4 -- Three emails:
To a Gozarks reader: No need to thank me, really. I love "showing off" the talents of friends and neighbors. I also understand about "hiding out." I have many (many) local friends (some of whom are also clients) who see things quite differently than you and I do, and because I have never mustered the strength to keep my opinions to myself I have, in many ways, been ostracized.
In other ways though, as alone as
this has left me at times, it is
You are right though, it is hard to
stay sane in a paranoid world. The culture of fear, hate and
distrust that permeates the mainstream (from both sides of the
fence) is like a vile sludge that sucks the promise from life,
tainting our thoughts -- seemingly against our own will -- with
doubts, despair and worry. Still as the saying goes, the only
thing we have to fear is fear itself, and this is a battle that
can only be won alone.
As to people's ages, they've never
mattered much to me. Both of the men I married (and then
divorced) were 10-years my seniors. My dearest friends now range
in age from 11 to "older than dirt" <ha>!!! And I've always been
"out of step" with EVERY generation <double-ha>!!!
To a fellow civic activist: Hey... I just wanted you to know that I am NOT ignoring your questions and I am finding the time to respond more in-depth. The quick answer, however, is yes to all... and as a long-time civic/social activist who is also a professional media/marketing person I am absolutely convinced (as it seems to me are you) that the key to win/win/winning the policy-change success we seek is in our own "promotional" hands. And, that there is both a science and an art to this... at which (I humbly assert) I am an authority.
In this regard, I welcome the opportunity to share thoughts and ideas with you and will respond more liberally <snicker-grin> when I get my current task-list tended -- which, realistically speaking, will probably not be until the first part of next week.
In the interim, if you have
questions or particular interests you see as most critical at
this moment in time, please feel free to send these thoughts
along so that I may factor them into my forthcoming response and
make it more topical to your specific needs.
To a group of civic
activists: Hey everyone... I have read and reflected on
all the comments shared regarding the board's organizational
retreat, prospects for a decrim-bill and/or med-mj reform,
lobbying, congresscritters, and the various implications of the
present situation. In light of all this, I must first say that I
agree wholeheartedly, that the best thing to do right now is to
"take a breath and step back."
Under this heading, I totally,
absolutely and emphatically agree that we MUST "take a breath
and step back," reflect on lessons
I also affirm that we must stop
living, as was so eloquently said, the bureaucratic creed that
"if x fails, then we'll do (more, and more, and more) of x."
Which essentially means that if we've done it before (ie:
lobbying, petition drives, canvassing, etc., etc., and so on),
and it has failed to achieve our objectives and goals, then we
have (as Edison would affirm) discovered yet another way to NOT
invent a light bulb... and the next step is to think up
As to meetings, this is a niggler
with every group. All I can say about it is that for me, it is
easier to uphold a commitment to do something when I know about
it well in advance. Thus I would propose that some sort of
routine meeting schedule be established or that at the very
least the time and place of meetings (including virtual chats)
be agreed to at least two
I also suggest that a top priority
under this heading is, as has already been stated, the "need to
get more people involved" and that "grassroots education" is the
most cost-effective, compounding and dynamic means of doing
Perhaps we could fill every
hotel in Little Rock...!!!!
Warm-fuzzy birthday wishes lined my
this little ditty from a newly met friend of a friend. I had
"Happy Birthday" sung to me on three separate occasions. But
still I ask you, is this love?
Thus if we are not giving, we will
never get.. which is why, it seems to me, so many people have
(sadly) become “oceans of take.” Because THEY simply don't know
how to give love away.
PS: Just now I overheard my son
Adam instructing his sister Shalom on the keyboard, saying to
her… “This is the way Mike said to do it….” Isn’t it nice to
have friends who inspire your children to do musical things?
That sounds so reminiscent of my
life sometimes that I had to laugh...!!!
PS: Got our first child support check for a whopping $100… It’s a start. Total amount now due the children and I: $5201.67
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Tennis Lessons in FFB
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